Monday January 05, 2009 Submit a story for publication. Want to support Daily Rotten? Buy a membership at Pornopolis! Also: Visit the Rotten Store Fecodiamonds Escape Holocaust Miami Herald | Submitted by: azdollarbill "In 1942, when she was 11, her mother, Rachel, sewed the diamonds into the hem of her skirt before she was taken by the Nazis to the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp in Poland... Zisblatt's entire family was killed in the gas chambers, and those four diamonds were the last mementoes of them. The only way Irene could keep the diamonds hidden was to swallow and retrieve them over and over again. She did this for 15 months." Read article... Comments (87) Marines: Drunk and Horny, Says Study SF Weekly | Submitted by: kahn "UCSF scientists tested and surveyed 2,157 female U.S. Marine recruits -- out of 2,288 possible respondents -- with an average age of 19. Researchers found that the young women were more than twice as likely as non-military young women to be infected with venereal diseases, And the recruits were prone to engage in behaviors likely to get them sick again." Nice photo. Read article... Comments (16) Girlmeat Found in Guangzhou Refrigerator BBC | Submitted by: Davedou The newspaper quoted another local resident as saying the man had once described human flesh as delicious. The man, who was identified by his nickname A He, is said to be a migrant worker who is thought to be mentally ill. He was described as a recluse who sometimes wore women's clothing and enjoyed watching war films." Read article... Comments (7) Steroids Gave Me Manboobs, Microballs Fox News | Submitted by: gladtheinhaler "Clark, a former LA Rams defensive lineman, used steroids for 20 years. They also took their toll on his private parts, so much so that he embarrassingly had to explain to women what was going on... My balls never really regained their size. They're kind of shriveled." Read article... Comments (9) Raising a Generation of Pansies London Telegraph | Submitted by: Not a homo! "Favourites such as Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella and Rapunzel are being dropped by some families who fear children are being emotionally damaged. A third of parents refused to read Little Red Riding Hood because she walks through woods alone and finds her grandmother eaten by a wolf." Read article... Comments (14) Parents Failed To Report Missing Child for 10 Years CNN | Submitted by: gargoyle1 "Adam was 11 or 12 when he was last seen, Murphy said. At the time, he was living in a mobile home park in Towanda, a small town in southern Kansas, with his adoptive parents, Doug and Valerie Herrman. The couple did not report him missing, Murphy said... They feel very guilty about not doing that, he said in a telephone interview." Read article... Comments (11) Trooper: Political Meddling in Levi Johnston Case Wire Services | Submitted by: Lester Lipspray "An Alaska drug investigator and the union representing Alaska State Troopers are alleging political meddling in the Sherry Johnston drug case, including a delay in serving the search warrant until after the November election... Johnston is the mother of Levi Johnston, who became known in September when Gov. Sarah Palin and her husband, Todd, announced their teenage daughter Bristol was pregnant and Levi Johnston was the father. Palin was running for vice president while Sherry Johnston was under investigation. " Read article... Comments (5) Elderly: Shoes Grown Into Her Feet Treasure Coast Newspapers | Submitted by: TCPalm.com "Police were called to the hospital after the paramedics found her unwashed, wearing clothing soaked in urine, severely underweight and emaciated, the report said... Police also noted that the shoes the victim had been wearing had not been removed for a long period of time and had grown into her feet, the report said. Her toenails had taken the shape of her shoes, police said in the report." Read article... Comments (14) Executioner Really Digs His Job Arab News | Submitted by: lord asshole "I fire bullets at the heart from the back of the criminal to make sure he or she dies quickly without prolonging the pain, he said. I have executed two women: an Indonesian maid who killed her employer and a Saudi housewife who killed her husband. He said his first job was the execution of three people who were found guilty of abducting and murdering a child." Read article... Comments (14) Taliban Sharpshooters Seattle Times | Submitted by: lord asshole "Taliban fighters increasingly are deploying precision marksmen to fire on U.S. troops at greater distances throughout opium-producing southern Afghanistan, according to the top two commanders for the southern region... The increased use of marksmen is the latest Taliban shift to asymmetrical warfare and away from confronting U.S. troops in conventional fights, commanders said." Read article... Comments (3) Vatican to Women: Stop Peeing Already Wire Services | Submitted by: ferret "The [contraceptive] pill has for some years had devastating effects on the environment by releasing tonnes of hormones into nature through female urine, said Pedro Jose Maria Simon Castellvi, president of the International Federation of Catholic Medical Associations, in the report." Read article... Comments (10) Ticketmaster Scalping Their Own Tickets Canoe | Submitted by: Mikeisgreen "People who log on to Ticketmaster's website looking to buy tickets for concerts, plays, sports or other special events often find themselves automatically redirected to TicketsNow -- which Ticketmaster purchased in Feb. 2008 for US$265 million -- just minutes after the tickets go on sale." Read article... Comments (4) Man Encounters Wife at Brothel, Now Getting Divorce Reuters | Submitted by: Meanman "A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees... Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town." Read article... Comments (15) Texas Jail Featured Lay-Z-Boy, The Rack MSNBC | Submitted by: ZebraBob "McGaughey said some surveillance cameras' cords had been disconnected; recliners were in cells; some bathrooms and cells could be locked from the inside; and inmates had made partitions out of paper towels to block jailers' views inside their cells. One alarming discovery was a type of rack made of nails, he said." Read article... Comments (5) Knesset Member: Fags Cause Earthquakes London Telegraph | Submitted by: whatsnew74 "Six earthquakes have struck Israel and neighbouring Lebanon and Jordan in recent months, with two coming last week alone. Shlomo Benizri, of the ultra-Orthodox Jewish Shas party, suggested that the tremors could be stopped through the simple expedient of repealing various liberalising laws on homosexuality that have been passed by the Israeli parliament, or Knesset, in recent years." Read article... Comments (10) Yellowstone Quakes Could Signal Super Volcano Eruption Time | Submitted by: Heinous Anus Cookies "Today, such an explosion -- 1,000 times more powerful than the explosion of Mount St. Helens in 1980 -- would not only cover most of the U.S. with ash but also throw so much dust into the atmosphere that the world's climate could change." Read article... Comments (8) Amtrak Arrests Their Own Contestant Carlos Miller | Submitted by: Flag Hag "Armed with his Canon 5D and his new Lensbaby lens, photographer Duane Kerzic set out to win Amtrak’s annual photo contest this week, hoping to win $1,000 in travel vouchers and have his photo published in Amtrak's annual calendar... The only reason they arrested me was because I refused to delete my images, Kerzic said in a phone interview with Photography is Not a Crime on Friday." Read article... Comments (5) Ketchup Chugalug: Everyone Needs a Hobby Daily Mail | Submitted by: SmokeCanada "I hope to make my family proud... I have to show the family and the community that I am a professional person... People consider me an extraordinary person, not an ordinary person... His records include taking on the world's oldest adoptee, after he legally took custody of his 61-year-old brother-in-law. Guiness also built the tallest sugar cube tower in the world, which stands at 64 inches." Read article... Comments (5) Thursday January 01, 2009 Paramedics Ignore Man "Not Worth Saving" London Telegraph | Submitted by: Waste 'Em All—God'll Sort 'Em Out "Apparently their first reaction was to comment on the untidy and unkempt state of the house. Then they are heard to comment on seeing Mr Baker and allegedly saying that it was not worth bothering to try to carry out resuscitation to try to save him. They then are heard discussing what to tell ambulance control and allegedly decide to say that he was already dead when they arrived... Obviously the crew did not realise that the phone was still connected and, of course, the 999 call was all recorded on tape." Read article... Comments (1446) Steward Pummelled By High-Altitude Shitstorm WOWT-Omaha | Submitted by: nude koln "It began with a middle-aged man leaving the plane's lavatory covered in his own feces. Oh, it was awful. It was worse than that... I hear all of this ruckus and this yelling and I kind of turned around and the poor flight attendant is on his back and the guy is like punching him and I'm like, oh my gosh." Read article... Comments (481) Abstinence Pledges Will Have Sex, But Unsafely Washington Post | Submitted by: onthemac Law of unintended consequences, although anyone with half a brain already knew this would happen: "Teenagers who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who do not promise abstinence and are significantly less likely to use condoms and other forms of birth control when they do, according to a study released today." Read article... Comments (52) Zunes Celebrate New Year with Mass Suicide MSNBC | Submitted by: anonymous "Users of the 30GB model began reporting problems on a Microsoft message board early Wednesday. Customers similarly are saying that their digital music players get stuck on the Zune logo screen as it appears to load, and efforts to unjam the device are mostly fruitless." Read article... Comments (35) The Geocache Terror Chronicles Springfield News Sun | Submitted by: larry "The man drove off when officers arrived. Police found 35-mm film canisters with a metal plate and electrical tape in the post, Lingrell said, and considered it suspicious-looking... Upon opening the canisters, investigators found paper with numbers and the names of players who had found the object written on it." Read article... Comments (23) Family Dog Fetches Armless Baby Fox 10 TV | Submitted by: gargoyle1 "A homeowner called 911 Monday afternoon, when the family's dog (a three-legged dog named Coco) came out of the woods, carrying the body of the newborn [human]... The family whose dog found the body says, it appeared the baby was missing an arm. That has not been confirmed by the Sheriff's Office." Read article... Comments (36) Japanese Man Stays 3mo in Mexican Airport Canoe | Submitted by: Mikeisgreen "A Japanese man who had been living in Terminal 1 of the Benito Juarez International Airport since Sept. 2 -- for no apparent reason -- left under equally mysterious circumstances. Authorities searched the terminal for Hiroshi Nohara on Monday but he was nowhere to be found, said an airport official who was not allowed to be quoted by name." Read article... Comments (23) Swedish Bestiality Ring The Local | Submitted by: vlad "Any of the times I did anything with her [the dog] was the one who backed into me and provoked it. She was in heat and made herself available. There were also times later when she didn't want to and then I backed out immediately... [The Donkey Man] has a goat and a couple of donkeys. We tried with a donkey but it didn't work. But we did have sex with the goat." Read article... Comments (27) Saddam's House of Horrors Daily Mail | Submitted by: lord asshole "The museum will showcase torture devices such as a man-shaped metal cage where, in the Iraqi Olympic Centre, Saddam's son Uday used to lock under-performing athletes for weeks at a time -- and set them naked under the burning sun, the metal searing their flesh." Read article... Comments (43) Penis Pictogram Force-Tattooed on Inmate's Back Daytona Beach News-Journal | Submitted by: Jethro Bodine "The men threatened Norman, saying he would get a worse beating unless he allowed them to apply a tattoo, the report shows. Harris told Norman the tattoo would be of a capital and lowercase B... But instead, as Collina held Norman down, Harris -- equipped with a makeshift tattoo kit -- applied a drawing of a penis on the back of the victim's right shoulder, the report shows." Read article... Comments (24) Bats: Big Brains or Big Balls, Not Both Fox News | Submitted by: Waste 'Em All—God'll Sort 'Em Out "n the study, Pitnick and colleagues analyzed 334 species of bats and found that in species with promiscuous females, the males had evolved larger testes but had relatively small brains... In some bat species, the male's testes can make up as much as 8.5 percent of body mass. Of all mammals, bats have the widest range of testes mass: between 0.12 percent and 8.5 percent of body mass." At the high end, assuming average US adult male of roughly 190 pounds, such testicles would be over 16 bat-pounds. Read article... Comments (18) Reverse Engineering the 1918 Flu Wire Services | Submitted by: lord asshole "Researchers have found out what made the 1918 flu pandemic so deadly -- a group of three genes that lets the virus invade the lungs and cause pneumonia... [Scientists] painstakingly substituted single genes from the 1918 virus into modern flu viruses and, one after another, they acted like garden-variety flu, infecting only the upper respiratory tract." Read article... Comments (20) The International Debutante Ball London Telegraph | Submitted by: methlabia "Forty-seven young women donned white gowns and greeted guests at the International Debutante Ball, a holdover from an era when the daughters of the upper crust were presented to society as a preface to meeting suitable mates." Read article... Comments (49) Monday December 29, 2008 Self-Immolation Fails To Impress Girlfriend Fox News | Submitted by: Waste 'Em All�God'll Sort 'Em Out "[An incredibly dumb] Swedish man's attempt to impress his date went horribly awry Friday, as he ended up lighting himself on fire and going into shock... The 33-year-old man also faces allegations of endangering the public as he recovers from serious burn injuries in a hospital in Vastervik, The Local reported." Read article... Comments (1640) Tres Letras, The Mexican Badass San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: scarfface "His heavily armed hit men, authorities say, have been leaving the gruesome displays of charred and decapitated bodies across the city, signed with the moniker Tres Letras, for the three letters in Teo. And authorities believe he runs a network of hideouts where kidnap victims are held in cages." And why isn't his face on any WANTED posters? Read article... Comments (125) Bedazzled at 532 Nanometers Irish Times | Submitted by: Vomit "The British Civil Aviation Authority said that in the past six months there were at least five attempts to dazzle pilots with laser pointers in Northern Ireland. In Britain this year there were scores of such incidents. The most serious incident in Ireland happened at George Best Belfast City Airport in August, when the captain of a Boeing 737 was hit in the eye with a laser as he made his approach to land." Read article... Comments (27) Family Finds Giant Squirrel in Attic Wilkes-Barre Times-Leader | Submitted by: Lester Lipspray "“It appears he was staying in the attic for a few days, Sgt. Ron Dombroski said. He was stealing items from the home and taking it all in the attic. It’s a double block home with a shared attic... He had everything up there, she said. He had candles, food; he wrapped himself in blankets and insulation to sleep." Read article... Comments (28) Jeans, Black Hair Dye: FATWA Deccan Herald | Submitted by: lord asshole "The physical structure (curves) of the body is reflected if one puts on a jeans. Wearing them by a woman is a sin, the fatwa said adding that it should not be put on by the menfolk also. It is barred for men as well. Women, who want to look as men, are cursed, the fatwa went on to say. On a query on dyeing one's hair in black, the fatwa said that any other colour other than black is permissible. “Use of black hair dye is un-Islamic." Read article... Comments (31) The Rise of CCTV in Schools London Telegraph | Submitted by: whatsnew74 "The surveillance equipment is in use in around 85 primary and secondary schools and colleges across the country. Classwatch, the company behind the system, says it is being used as a way to monitor children who are disrupting lessons. The firm said the equipment, which is sold with evidence bags approved by the Crown Prosecution Service to store material for court cases, can be used to compile proof of wrongdoing." Read article... Comments (24) Sheelan's Circumcision Washington Post | Submitted by: Jean "Sheelan Anwar Omer, a shy 7-year-old Kurdish girl, bounded into her neighbor's house with an ear-to-ear smile, looking for the party her mother had promised. There was no celebration. Instead, a local woman quickly locked a rusty red door behind Sheelan, who looked bewildered when her mother ordered the girl to remove her underpants. Sheelan began to whimper, then tremble, while the women pushed apart her legs and a midwife raised a stainless-steel razor blade in the air. I do this in the name of Allah!" With photo gallery. Read article... Comments (91) Get Your Loved Ones A Child Maid Wire Services | Submitted by: lord asshole "She started wetting her bed. Her sheets stank. So did her oversized T-shirt and the other hand-me-downs she wore. While doing the family's laundry, she slipped her own clothes into the load. Madame slapped her. She told me my clothes were dirtier than theirs. That I wasn't allowed to clean mine there, she said. She washed her clothes in a bucket in the garage. She hung them to dry outside, next to the trash cans." Read article... Comments (29) He Who Skips Breakfast Is Hornier (in Japan) Reuters | Submitted by: Jean "Teens who skip breakfast as middle school students tend to have sex at an earlier age than those who start the day with a proper meal, a government-backed Japanese medical researcher said on Friday... The average age of first-time sex for those who said they ate breakfast every day as a middle school student was 19.4, while for those who skipped breakfast, the average age was 17.5." Read article... Comments (17) McShizzle Kicked It Old School London Telegraph | Submitted by: DoubtfulPubes "Rap music originated in the medieval taverns of Scotland rather than the mean streets of the Bronx and Brooklyn, an American academic has claimed... According to the theory, Scottish slave owners took the tradition with them to the United States, where it was adopted and developed by slaves, emerging many years later as rap." Read article... Comments (24) Tennessee Sludge Spill Grows to One Billion Gallons CNN | Submitted by: Waste 'Em All�God'll Sort 'Em Out "Estimates for the amount of thick sludge that gushed from a Tennessee coal plant last week have tripled to more than [Dr. Evil Voice] a billion gallons, as cleanup crews try to remove the goop from homes and railroads and halt its oozing into an adjacent river... Environmental advocates say the ash contains concentrated levels of mercury and arsenic." It should be noted that an excellent authority posits that mercury is the "sweetest of the transition metals." Read article... Comments (14) Ubermensch and Untermensch in Humanity's Future BBC | Submitted by: Vomit "Evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry of the London School of Economics expects a genetic upper class and a dim-witted underclass to emerge... The descendants of the genetic upper class would be tall, slim, healthy, attractive, intelligent, and creative and a far cry from the underclass humans who would have evolved into dim-witted, ugly, squat goblin-like creatures." Read article... Comments (48) Saturday December 27, 2008 Woman Sat on Toilet for 2 Years Canoe | Submitted by: Mikeisgreen "Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman’s skin had grown around the [toilet] seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital... We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital. The hospital removed it." Read article... Comments (554) Mumbai Terrorists Mutilated Victims Genitalia Mumbai Mirror | Submitted by: Waste 'Em All—God'll Sort 'Em Out "Disturbing photographs by police sources indicate that several of the guests at the Taj Mahal Hotel during the siege November 26 were sexually humiliated by the terrorists and then shot dead even as the terrorists were engaged in a fierce combat with NSG commandos. Photographs taken by a police forensic team after the hotel was sanitised yield a gruesome picture of some of the guests in the nude." Read article... Comments (46) 2nd Degree Diaper Rash: Pass the Robotussin Pittsburgh Post-Gazette | Submitted by: Heineken "The boy's father, Jesus Rodriquez, 34, of Greensburg, has been arrested and charged with aggravated assault after police discovered the 3-year-old and his 4-year-old sister in an apartment filled with soiled diapers; smeared feces and garbage... [Rodriguez] appeared to be under the influence of an unknown substance. Officers found two empty cough syrup bottles on the back of the couch behind the man's head." Read article... Comments (24) Theatergoer Shot for Making Noise Wire Services | Submitted by: Jethro Bodine "Police said Cialella told the man's family to be quiet, then threw popcorn at the man's son. The victim, whom television reports identified as Woffard Lomax, told police that Cialella was walking toward his family when he stood up and was shot." Read article... Comments (46) Man Escapes Avalanche, Caught on Film Independent | Submitted by: Hippityhopp "It started as a pretty localised affair; the slab of snow was crashing down the mountainside about 10 metres behind me. It was nothing major, so I wasn't concerned. I was ahead of the slide and moved sideways to escape it. Suddenly, it was all around me, for 50 metres on either side. Thankfully, I'd started using a rucksack with an airbag mechanism days before. This undoubtedly saved my life. I was floating on a sea of snow -- like a small insect on a huge wave. All I could do was pull the trigger and hope for the best." Read article... Comments (23) Shock: Mexican Police Are Corrupt? AZ Central | Submitted by: Hippityhopp "A gardener detained along with more than a dozen members of an alleged drug trafficking ring testified that police threatened him to feed him to lions and tigers during a raid at a Mexico City mansion, a newspaper reported Friday... Maya also claimed that a police commander tried to goad a monkey into scratching him, but the animal ended up swiping the officer instead." Read article... Comments (21) UK Wants to Censor Internet London Telegraph | Submitted by: Munchkin "There is content that should just not be available to be viewed. That is my view. Absolutely categorical. This is not a campaign against free speech, far from it; it is simply there is a wider public interest at stake when it involves harm to other people. We have got to get better at defining where the public interest lies and being clear about it." The Culture Minister intends to begin this campaign "not against free speech" by... attacking free speech. He also expects the US to play along, which, apparently unknown to him, still has a First Amendment. Read article... Comments (36) Chip Saltsman: Nothing Wrong with "Magic Negroes" CNN | Submitted by: anonymous "Chip Saltsman, a candidate for the Republican National Committee chairmanship, defended his choice of including the song Barack the Magic Negro on CD mix he sent to committee members. The song refers to a 2007 Los Angeles Times column. I think most people recognize political satire when they see it, Saltsman said." Read article... Comments (48) Boners For Peace: CIA Bribes Warlords with Viagra CBS News | Submitted by: whatsnew74 "In their efforts to win over notoriously fickle warlords and chieftains, the officials say, the agency's operatives have used a variety of personal services. These include pocketknives and tools, medicine or surgeries for ailing family members, toys and school equipment, tooth extractions, travel visas, and, occasionally, pharmaceutical enhancements for aging patriarchs with slumping libidos, the officials said." Read article... Comments (37) Thursday December 25, 2008 Lead for Christmas: Santa Slays 6 San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: ynyr "Six bodies were found Thursday in the ashes of a home where a gunman in a Santa Claus costume opened fire during a Christmas Eve party before setting the house ablaze, police said... Witnesses told police that the man took off the Santa suit and left the scene of the burning house in street clothes." Read article... Comments (931) Raelians Cancel Public Sex Orgy Ynetnews | Submitted by: toasted_scrotums:so-ooo tasty "The orgy was organized by the Raelian movement, a UFO religion whose followers believe humankind was created by aliens. The group's spokesman, Kobi Drori, said that the orgy was meant to include straights, gays, lesbians and bisexuals, all of them over 18... The purpose of the event was to try and bring world peace through mass orgasm, this by experiencing consensual sex and natural, uninterrupted pleasure. It was important to make love without feeling guilty or shy." Read article... Comments (32) DIY Genetic Engineering Wire Services | Submitted by: lord asshole "She learned about genetic engineering by reading scientific papers and getting tips from online forums. She ordered jellyfish DNA for a green fluorescent protein from a biological supply company for less than $100. And she built her own lab equipment, including a gel electrophoresis chamber, or DNA analyzer, which she constructed for less than $25, versus more than $200 for a low-end off-the-shelf model." Read article... Comments (30) Wife Bites Husband's "You-Know-What" South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: anonymous "A 27-year-old Deltona woman told authorities she bit her husband's penis because she didn't want to have sex with him. Charris Bowers was arrested Saturday by a Volusia County sheriff's deputy, accused of misdemeanor battery. A judge set her free Sunday without requiring her to post bail." Even more funny is that the reporter, Rene Stutzman, purportedly an adult, felt compelled to use the technical term "You-Know-What." Read article... Comments (44) Impostor Disrupts BLM Land Bid Salt Lake Tribune | Submitted by: ynyr "Tim DeChristopher, 27, faces possible federal charges after winning bids totaling about $1.8 million on more than 10 lease parcels that he admits he has neither the intention nor the money to buy... The auction had been under way for a couple of hours when energy company representatives became suspicious of a man wearing an old red down parka after he won bids on more than 10 parcels numbered consecutively, all around Arches and Canyonlands." Read article... Comments (37) List of Banned Websites Leaked Online News Corporation | Submitted by: t0llyb0ng "A list of 3863 website addresses banned in Denmark was published yesterday by a whistleblower group and is believed to contain links to illegal material including child pornography... Each blacklist is obviously rather sensitive as it gives any would-be web criminal a go-to list where they know they will be able to find illicit material, Mr Hutchinson said." Well, DUH. Read article... Comments (28) Knife in Back: 12 Hour Emergency Room Wait South Wales Argus | Submitted by: Munchkin "A Newbridge man says he waited for 12 hours with a knife stuck in his back for an operation... Dean Scriven, 27, from Pantside, said although he was rushed to Newport's Royal Gwent Hospital by ambulance at 3.30am on Saturday, the knife remained in his back for at least 12 hours until it was finally taken out at the University of Wales Hospital, Cardiff, the following afternoon." Read article... Comments (24) Mexican Beauty Queen Finds New Talent Wire Services | Submitted by: cainmarko666 "A reigning Mexican beauty queen from the drug-plagued state of Sinaloa was arrested with suspected gang members in a truck filled guns and ammunition, police say... Zuniga was riding in one of two trucks, where soldiers found a large stash of weapons, including two AR-15 assault rifles, .38 specials, 9mm handguns, nine magazines, 633 cartridges and $53,300 in U.S. currency, Solorio said Tuesday." Read article... Comments (19) Cat Falls 34 Floors, Destroys Bush Stuff NZ | Submitted by: the dude "A Gold Coast cat has lived up to its name of Voodoo by magically surviving a 34-storey plunge from a high rise building... She said some of the branches in the bush were broken, including one about an inch thick which had completely snapped and had cat hair stuck to it." Read article... Comments (35) Tuesday December 23, 2008 Feds Crack Down on Human Lipodiesel Daily Mail | Submitted by: Waste 'Em All—God'll Sort 'Em Out "The leading Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon claims to be saving the planet by using fat removed from clients in liposuction operations to power his 4x4 car... U.S. authorities are less impressed and have launched an inquiry into his claims that he is converting the waste fat into bio-diesel -- or lipodiesel as he calls it... However, it is illegal in the U.S. to use human medical waste to power vehicles. [Is this true?]" Read article... Comments (727) Blood in Bucket: Madoff Proxy Suicides at Desk The Independent | Submitted by: Wallstreet.Scum.Master "On Monday night, M. de la Villehuchet told Access International's cleaning staff he wanted them out by 7pm so that he could work late, then locked the door and placed a waste paper basked under his desk to catch blood from his wrists. Security staff found him the next morning, still sitting at his desk, with a box-cutter on the floor beside him." Read article... Comments (38) Nottingham Turned Into Public Pissoir BBC | Submitted by: Lord Crumb "People should ignore signs telling them that it is legal to urinate in certain public places in Nottingham, the city council said... [Signs posted by pranksters] feature a toilet sign and include the words: "Public Urination Permitted After 7.30pm." Read article... Comments (18) Lonely Heart Busts A Knut KUSA-TV 9 Denver | Submitted by: B-DIDDY "The 37-year-old man jumped over a fence into a water-filled ditch at the edge of the bear's enclosure Monday morning, police said in a statement." The man was lonely. The polar bear was lonely. A match made in heaven if it weren't for that meddling zoomaster and his leg of beef. Read article... Comments (15) Court: No Divorce Until You Reach Puberty Guardian | Submitted by: Jean The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is the source of much of the world's comedy: "An eight-year old Saudi Arabian girl who was married off by her father to a 58-year-old man has been told she cannot divorce her husband until she reaches puberty... The judge has dismissed the plea because she [the mother] does not have the right to file, and ordered that the plea should be filed by the girl herself when she reaches puberty." Read article... Comments (38) Hey Santa, What Set You Claimin? KTLA News | Submitted by: B-DIDDY "An alleged gang member has landed himself in jail for flashing gang signs in a photo he took while sitting on Santa's lap." While certainly it is to be admired that in a single trivial moment Oliva was able to violate no fewer than 3 terms of his probation, one must wonder what an 18 year old man was doing sitting on Santa's lap in the first place. Read article... Comments (22) Blowtorch to Melt Ice, Burns Down House South Coast Today | Submitted by: Brother Bru Bru "A home-owner using a blowtorch to melt ice on his back porch accidentally set fire to his North End triple-decker Monday, officials said... The blaze at 107 Davis St. caused $20,000-$30,000 worth of damage and displaced several residents, Fire Capt. Scott Kruger said." Read article... Comments (18) Raccoon Dies, Takes Homeowner With Him WCVB-TV 5 Boston | Submitted by: gargoyle1 "John Van Nostrand, 62, was killed after a dead raccoon blocked his furnace exhaust, causing a fatal buildup of the odorless and colorless gas, police said... It appeared the house had some overgrown limbs over the roof. The raccoon must have made his way down looking for a dry place to stay and crawled into the flue," Deputy Fire Chief Tom Corriveau said." Read article... Comments (14) Dead Water Explains Unexplained Drownings New Scientist | Submitted by: WetPubes "Four subjects were asked to swim a short distance in both homogeneous water and in stratified water. The team found that with the same stroke frequency being used in both conditions, swimming speed in stratified water dropped by 15%, with a 40% loss of propulsive power... We've been considering the possibility that the drownings of strong swimmers in fair-weather conditions might be the result of dead water, but until now, we weren't really sure if this phenomenon could strike something as small as a single human, says Maas. Now it seems that it can." Read article... Comments (25) Tourists Win Terror Trifecta Stuff NZ | Submitted by: ZebraBob "UK couple Jason and Jenny Cairns-Lawrence have been on holiday in Mumbai, London and New York just as terrorists have attacked each of those cities, and have survived each occasion... It's a strange coincidence. The terror attacks just happened when we were in the cities. I shouldn't be laughing about it, but it is a strange coincidence, Cairns-Lawrence, 26, a dental worker, said." Read article... Comments (18) OSS Killer Claims Patton Was Assassinated London Telegraph | Submitted by: Waste 'Em All—God'll Sort 'Em Out "The newly unearthed diaries of a colourful assassin for the wartime Office of Strategic Services, the forerunner of the CIA, reveal that American spy chiefs wanted Patton dead because he was threatening to expose allied collusion with the Russians that cost American lives. The death of General Patton in December 1945, is one of the enduring mysteries of the war era. Although he had suffered serious injuries in a car crash in Manheim, he was thought to be recovering and was on the verge of flying home." Read article... Comments (22) Juggalo Tarot Ends With Death Card ABC News | Submitted by: anonymous "As first reported by ABC News station WTVD, some Insane Clown Posse lyrics appeared similar to the alleged crime. According to WTVD, in the song "Murda Cloak," one line reads: "I tied a ***** up, I had to duct tape the ***** face." The song "Wax Museum" says: "It seems my cards of tarot have dealt you a very odd hand," and the song "Like It Like That" says: "Sometimes my dome feels like a cherry bomb. I gotta pound his ***** head with a hammer to keep him calm." Read article... Comments (21) Crapping the Buffet at the Health Department MSNBC | Submitted by: anonymous "Some health department workers in southern Illinois think they may have discovered some contaminated food -- at their own office Christmas gathering." 42 of the 72 present reported stomach illnesses, probably a norovirus lingering in the fecosalad bar. Read article... Comments (31) Daily Rotten Archives..